Navigating Conflict: Maintaining Harmony in the Home

If you haven't checked out Striving Onward, you should. It is more than just a blog, it is a place to be real, honest and true to yourself, a place to gain confidence and strength as a women. Editor Suzanne Davis invited me to write a post on their Navigating Conflict conversation. Check it out here. I feel like every time I write for SO I end up laying it all out on the table. Yes, I am an arguer. Yes, I'm working on it. That is what life is all about right? Trying to learn how to NAVIGATE our way through conflict, problems, life in general. Hope you enjoy my post. I would love to hear what other women have to say about how they manage conflict in their home.

We're also conducting a live twitter chat TONIGHT about Navigating Conflict! Follow the conversation at #SOgirltalk. My twitter handle is @thebusybodies3. Join us!

Happy reading and tweeting!

Happy 4th of July: Patriotic Kids Activities

Independence Day is my favorite holiday! Maybe it is the American flag, my favorite colors or the patriotic feeling I get when I think of this great country I live in. Or maybe it is the fact that my mom should be Mrs. America or the USA mascot. Whatever it is, I am a HUGE fan. We are having way too much fun this 4th of July, so I thought I would share a couple of simple, fun activities to get your little one involved too. I found these from my favorite places to get inspiration. Thanks to all the awesome moms out there who are doing great things with their kids. Learn, play and have fun this holiday!

1. Paint Your Own Fireworks: Rust & Sunshine shows us how to paint fireworks with patriotic paint colors, porcupine rubber balls and a little Martha Stewart glitter! These are darling and very frame worthy to bring out every holiday.
2. Patriotic Bean Bag Toss: Better Homes and Garden shows us how to paint some old cans red, white and blue, grab a bean bag and go!
3. 4th of July Sensory Bin: Moms Have Questions Too shows how to make an easy sensory bin using old 4th of July decorations, shredded red, white and blue paper and dried beans.
4. Patriotic Popper: Parents.com has some simple steps to turn a plastic water bottle and a balloon into a confetti popping, kid safe popper!
5. Festive Science Experiment: Spoonful has a fun drink recipe that will look fabulous at your 4th of July party and you can teach your kids about the density of liquids. Seriously, super cute! (We've done this before and loved it!)

And because every summer event should have some good desserts, check out these amazing flag pies from Tiny Pies in Austin, TX! These look amazing! Even if you can't order these in time for your 4th of July party, it would be pretty cool to recreate one on your own.

Happy 4th everyone! The Busy Bodies LOVE America and you!!

Splishin' and Splashin': Finding Places to Keep Cool and Learning How to Share

The summer is all about staying cool and that means finding water! Every city is sure to have fun places for heat retreat: splash pads, wading pools and beaches. Seattle has a wading pool in nearly every park in the city. Here is a great list of Seattle pools, wading pools, splash parks and beaches if you are a local or visiting for the summer. Have a favorite splash park, fountain or water park in your town? Leave a comment below or send me the information and a picture and I'd love to feature it here!

We spent opening day at the Volunteer Park wading pool with some of our favorite Seattle friends for a 2-year-old birthday party. What a perfect way to kick off the summer!

Besides bringing the outdoor "fun in the sun" essentials, I am quickly learning that there are other ways to prepare mentally when introducing your 16 to 24 month-old to large groups of other toddlers. This is definitely the time when sharing can be a great challenge for your child, but it can also be a great learning opportunity for the both of you as well. Here are a couple of simple ideas to help establish a pattern of sharing and giving in your family.

Sharing is caring

Talk about it

Almost every child wants what the other has and as soon as the child gets that coveted item, they usually forget about it. You could easily ignore the whining and fussing because, as you know, the moment will pass and their memory of the frustration will pass as well, but I am finding that taking the time to teach is paying off.

Even when the birthday girl was asking for a stick at the park, Audette was having a difficult time giving it up. Eric stepped in and found another stick. Rather than giving it straight to Livy, he handed it to Audette and with a little instruction and coaxing, he was able to help Audette hand the extra stick over to her friend Livy. He talked about both of them having sticks, both of them sharing the sticks and both of them swapping sticks. Not every toy is available in multiples and Livy's parents have shown me that establishing a system of taking turns, even at this young age can really set the standard for better sharing habits. Although it won't happen every time, little ones will eventually pick up on the desires of their friends around them. Audette is starting to hand over a toy or object when we ask. I see it happen even more often with children who are older, who have had diligent parents that relentlessly teach the value of sharing and giving. At the end of the day the kids just want to play with each other and those sticks really aren't that important.

I overheard a lot of parents handle sharing situations very differently at the park that day. Some encouraged sharing, while others did not. I especially loved learning from the parents who would encourage older children to be kind and watch out for the younger kids. One of my favorite lines was, "Thank you for being so sweet to the little girl. Remember when you were little once? You were just like her and now you are older and you have learned to share so well." What a wonderful thing to be able to say to your child.

What tips have you used to teach your child the importance of sharing? Especially for first children who seem to always get whatever they need or want, whenever they ask?

Take a time out

Sometimes sharing and giving is just too much to handle all at once. Tantrums happen and it often is a result of a child not being able to communicate what they want or someone else disrupting their happiness. You can't squash all tantrums. And I have yet to meet a perfect child who does not scream out in frustration at times. But what I do know is that sometimes taking your child away from the situation to calmly talk it through can be very helpful.

I recall an important learning moment in my own childhood where my dad took me away from a pizza arcade because I threw a fit. I was much older than Audette, but he had me step away from the situation, away from everyone else and took time to talk to me about my emotions, the situation, the mistakes I had made and how to better resolve the problem. I remember the moment ending with a piece of licorice too. Taking a little time to separate your child from the problem can help them recognize not only the best way to handle an encounter with a problem, but it also can be a wonderful way for them to recognize how much you love them. Your time, attention and teaching can set a very powerful example, even at a young age.

I have seen so many incredible ways to establish a calm down or time out moment, beyond a time out chair. What works best for your little one and your family?

Provide opportunities to share

I was chatting with a mom at the wading pool who's daughter was playing with an inflatable ring. Audette came up to the little girl and reached for the ring. The mom quickly asked her daughter to share, reminding her it was not her toy and that she should let other kids play with the neat toy she had been able to play with. The mom did a great job teaching her child and then she told me she didn't love bringing toys to the wading pool because she constantly had to monitor who had it and if anyone was fighting over it. I agree that is the easier option and that is a big reason why we don't typically bring a lot of toys around wherever we go. I think it was great that the mom helped the little girl recognize that the toy she had found at the wading pool was a toy to be played with by everyone.

One easy toy we have found that allows everyone to share is a bottle of bubbles. We gave Livy a large bubble wand for her birthday, but made sure to bring one of our own to use and share at the wading pool. What a simple toy that provides so much fun for so many kids, no matter the age. This is such an easy way to allow kids to play side by side without feeling frustrated about what he or she has that they do not. Endless bubbles for everyone! The sand box seems to be that way too... just a bit messier.

What toys do you have or games do you play to teach kids how to interact with each other and share?

I always joke that the "cool moms" have bubble wands at the park because all the children flock. Eric decided to up his game and take it in the wading pool. He was like the Pied Piper, the King of the wading pool, the Bubble Wand Master, whatever. He basically felt pretty awesome.

Mommy's Mantra: America is Beautiful

The family was on the road this weekend. I will admit, I prefer travel by air. I am a product of the "ease of comfort" generation. We travel so much that the actual "travel" part is something I like to cut down on. But there is also something magical about a road trip. There is no better way to see this beautiful country we live in than by cruising down open highways or driving through crowded cities. With a toddler we tend to stop often and try to get creative with our pit stops. Here is a photo of Audette playing in the Salmon River in Idaho. She could have sat along the water's edge for hours. I could have stood with my toes in the water, taking in the beauty around me, for hours too. As Eric and I were driving, we couldn't help but talk about the majestic mountains, the big sky and the spacious plains around us. Eric loves mountains and we began looking up the names of the peaks we were passing. He turned and said to me as we were talking about Diamond Peak, "This country really is something, isn't it?" I'm feeling patriotic as we plan for the 4th of July. I have already planned out our outfits every day this week: nothing but red, white and blue. On a more serious note, I am also feeling especially humble because of the sacrifice the firefighters in Arizona made this weekend. So as we discussed our incredible country, I looked up the lyrics to America the Beautiful, words by Katharine Lee Bates. O beautiful for heroes proved in liberating strife. Who more than self their country loved and mercy more than life. Thine alabaster cities gleam undimmed by human tears. America, America, God shed his grace on thee till souls wax fair as earth and air and music-hearted sea. O beautiful for glory-tale of liberating strife when once and twice, for man's avail, men lavished precious life. America, America, God shed his grace on thee. Till selfish gain no longer stain the banner of the free. Forever grateful for this beautiful land and for so many who give their lives freely to protect and care for it.

No Mess Finger Paint

This is AWESOME. I found this on the blog, Lovesome and fell in love with the idea instantly. Even if you aren't a clean freak, this can be such a great idea for kids who may still be in the "eating everything" phase or are just too little to get their fingers in on the fun. Here is what you need, but really, no reading necessary, the pictures speak for themselves.

• Bottles of bright colored paint: I had some neon poster paint lying around and this worked perfectly.
• Ziploc bags: I seriously don't know what I would do without Ziploc. I am trying to be more green in other aspects of my life, but the double lock guarantee and ease of use is just too great to give up. Plus they even have a user submitted tip section on their site. I'm a nerd, I know.
• Fingers or popsicle sticks or feet or leaves... you can get creative.

Because this was our first time experimenting with the project, we decided to do it outside, but there was not one single spill! Granted, Audette still struggles with opening Ziploc bags, but the paint was so fascinating that she didn't even try to open them.

The activity didn't last for hours, but we played for at least 20 minutes. I will definitely go back to this one when we are looking for something fun and out of the ordinary, but don't have time to strip down for a bath or orchestrate a major clean up session. And my little secret: I ended up playing with the bags of paint for a long time after Audette went down for her nap that day. I love simple entertainment!

Grandparents Come to Town: Enjoying Your Guests

When visitors come to town it is always exciting, especially when it is grandparents! But sometimes, the rush of new people in the house can be a little overwhelming for a little one. Here are some simple tips for enjoying your guests to the fullest, while not throwing your child into a funk:

• Stick to your everyday routine.
• Establish a schedule.
• Plan some simple activities that are geared towards your little one.
• Plan some big activities that stretch your little one.

Everyday routine

When people come to visit you, they come to visit YOU. That is why getting them involved in the daily activities can be the some of the greatest moments of their vacation.

Audette and I go on a walk almost every day through the arboretum behind our house and make a stop at the little toddler playground on our way home. This was a perfect excuse to get out and exercise together as a family with Grandma and Grandpa Laird. Grandpa Laird was a pro with the stroller and Grandma Laird made sure Audette was safe on the slide.

Audette loves bath time and if your little one does too, then you can make it a special time for Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma Laird created a new game with Audi's bath toys. She would put them on the faucet and then knock them off in to the water. Audette thought it was the best thing she had ever seen; basically, the giggles we heard from the bath were contagious. It even had Grandpa wanting in on the fun and he started letting the toys fall from the top of the shower. The Lairds like to call Grandpa Laird the "one upper".

Bed time routines can also be a great time to get guests involved. We ended up letting Grandma and Grandpa take over bed time completely. They moved seamlessly from bath time to pjs to reading. Remember, they have years of experience! Make sure your guests feel comfortable with everything that bed time involves. Audette is having a hard time with brushing her teeth these days, so Eric or I would always come in to help with this part. Maybe your little one doesn't like getting dressed and it is best to take over when you have to squeeze their little head into those always tight pajamas. Just ask and invite. If someone doesn't feel comfortable, they will let you know. Relinquishing some of these responsibilities can be good for a parent too. Standing back and watching allows for your little one to become comfortable with new people and you may learn some new techniques along the way. There is always more than one way to do something!

Establishing a schedule

Everyone has expectations on vacation, so lay them out at the beginning of the trip. That way everyone will be prepared for what comes up on the schedule. Eric was only taking one day off of work while his parents were in town; this was the day we went hiking as a family. Read about our hiking adventure here. On the other days Eric was working, he let us know which days would be most flexible to meet up for lunch, or when he might be able to head home early. Grandpa Laird had work to do every day as well, which meant we knew we would be home during certain times of the day or we could plan small outings with just Grandma Laird. This helped us coordinate nap and meal times.

We also had a couple of pre-existing commitments on our schedule. You may be thinking that it is best to cancel anything on your schedule that may conflict with visitors, but some activities can make for a lot of fun for your guests. Audette had her last swim lesson of the session while Grandma and Grandpa were in town. Although it meant she had three adults in the pool to help her with her lesson, she loved all of the attention and it gave her extra confidence. Plus, Grandma and Grandpa had fun seeing our little fish in her element.

Activities geared toward your little one

We are lucky to live in a beautiful city that has plenty to keep us busy, even in our own neighborhood. Finding a couple of simple activities close to home can be great for your guests and for your little one. We took advantage of all of our close-by fun, so we could make sure Audette was able to get in her nap at the house a couple of days during the week.

Grandma and Grandpa Laird brought their bikes with them, which made for a perfect close to home outing. It was a great way for them to see the nearby parks, streams, lake and wildlife. Audette loved taking a break to meet all of the new baby ducks and geese in our neighborhood. We couldn't believe how much the baby ducks loved Audette! They kept nibbling on her little fingers.

There is also a Japanese Garden close by our home. We all took a little walk to check it out and feed the Koi fish together. Grandma Laird loved the gardens and Audette couldn't get enough of the fish.

Activities to stretch your little one

I am a big proponent of getting your kids out and about. Sometimes that means naps happen in the car or meal times are a little off, but you will be surprised how well your little one will do. We have kept Audette pretty busy since an early age. I realize that sometimes we push it too far, but for the most part, she has learned to be such a social and easy going child because of all the carting around.

When guests are in town, it is easy to overload your schedule with big events and outings. We do it all too often. This time we figured out as a family which places we wanted to visited ahead of time and then made plans to spread them out throughout the week. We went to Pike Place Public Market twice while Grandma and Grandpa were here, mostly because there is too much food to try in just one day! There were moments where I could tell Audette was getting a little tired or fussy, but it helps having an extra pair of hands to help distract or entertain. Grandpa and Audette did a great job trying all the food, as well. That kept her pretty busy and happy! If you are planning to visit, we especially loved Pike Place Chowder and Piroshky Bakery. Make sure you get the whole baked apple from Piroshky. Amazing!

We also decided to do a day trip to one of our favorite little towns, Poulsbo. We didn't start until the afternoon, but knew we would be spending the rest of the day on the road or on a ferry. We took every chance we could to get Audette out and about. The ferry ride was perfect for her. It was windy, but she was able to spend at least 30 minutes running around the deck of the boat, making new friends.

If you do decide to plan big day trips, take time to make stops as needed. You know your child and will  know what stops they appreciate the most. Audette loved our stop at Sluy's Bakery in Poulsbo. I bought Audette the biggest pastry they had. She barely ate any of it, but the pictures were great.

Sure, there were some bumps in the road and Audette did get tired during our week of Grandma and Grandpa fun. In fact, she fell asleep Sunday, the final day our guests were in town, for a four hour nap and didn't even get to say goodbye. Grandma and Grandpa understood; and I think we all agree, it was a pretty perfect week.

Mommy's Mantra: Faith in a Greater Help

I was asked to speak in church this past weekend, during the opening meeting. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and in my church, public speaking is a pretty common thing. Regular members of the congregation are invited to speak every week. We all take turns. It is our way of learning from one another and spending time really studying and learning for ourselves. Usually you are given a subject to speak on, but this past weekend I was allowed to speak on whatever I chose. For me, that can be difficult because I have a lot to learn and a lot more to work on, so narrowing it all down to one 15 minute presentation is tough. I won't share my whole talk that I prepared for church, but I wanted to share a small portion because it has been such a big part of my week.

I decided to speak on prayer. No matter your faith, prayer is a pretty universal practice and one that can really set the tone for your day, your decisions, your life. I haven't been giving my communication with Heavenly Father that proper time and attention He or I deserve, so I spent this week putting in a little extra focus. It is interesting how changing one small part of your life can make such a huge difference. By improving my personal relationship with God, in just a couple of days, I saw a change in my relationship with my husband, my daughter and even myself.

One of the most important aspects of developing a relationship with God or with anyone is recognizing that it isn't all about you. A relationship is two way and for it to be successful has to be selfless. In Mormon lingo, we call it "aligning your will with God's will." This can very difficult for me sometimes. I love to negotiate. I love to bargain. I love proving my opinion to others. My husband can attest. But you don't negotiate with God. You don't kneel and tell Heavenly Father what He will do for you.

This past week Audette and I were in the yard, getting dirty and cleaning out the weeds. I could tell Audette was at her breaking point because she was covered in dirt, her shoes were off, her bag of goldfish was almost empty and with every step she took, she would let out a little cry of pain. She’s kind of a drama queen. I finally gave in and decided to clean up and take her inside, but I couldn’t find one of her shoes. We searched everywhere! Well, I searched everywhere, as Audette stood crying from the porch. I even dumped all of the yard waste out of the trash can, just in case it had been thrown in with the mix. It was a mess. I kept saying over and over in my head, “help me find her shoe so I can take care of her,” or “if you would just help me find her shoe, then I could put Audette down for a nap.” Finally it hit me, “Darien, just take care of your daughter.” So, I took her in, gave her a bath, cuddled her and put her down for a nap. I walked straight outside and as I looked in the yard, I saw the shoe. The first thing that came to my mind was, “I’ll take care of you. I'll provide for you. I'll give you everything you could desire and more, if you do it in my time and my way.” This may seem like a very silly example, but for me, alone in my yard, I had a very simple realization that I needed to be selfless, listen and be directed in every aspect of my life. Especially poignant at this time in my life, when I have been asking for some divine help with some important matters for the course of my family and my career.

“We don’t move God to our point of view. Prayer is less about changing our circumstances and more about changing us.”

You may not pray, or you may be like me and prayer sometimes slips out of focus, but I can not think of a greater Father to rely on when it comes to being a mother and raising my family.

Guest Post: Getting Involved in Toddler University Studies

Meet Jesica Barker, mother of two beautiful girls, Emma and Adele, and wife of Deputy County Attorney, Ammon. This darling family lives in Flagstaff, Arizona and they are super talented. You will often find the girls singing along with their dad as he plays the guitar or dancing with their mom. In fact, Jesica even runs her own dance studio, DancEvolution. Enjoy Jesica's look at a university speech study for 12-16 month-old toddlers!

I am not a natural mom in any way, shape, or form. Mothering does not come easy to me. That is why I am constantly searching for new ways to improve my mothering skills. I found an advertisement at Emma's preschool about a speech study for 12-16 month-olds through Northern Arizona University. I had heard from local moms about these speech studies. They told me the studies usually let you know how your child's speech is developing, plus some advice on how to help your child improve. I jumped at the chance to teach Adele to speak better. I figured that would improve her meltdowns, as well as save us some frustration.

The study consisted of having Adele wear a vest with a recorder in it for at least 16 hours a day, for 3 days. If she was asleep, I was allowed to take off the vest, but it had to lay next to her crib. They assured me that they would not listen to all 16 hours, which I totally believed because who has that much time to listen to someone else's boring day? They told me the recorder was analyzing her speech and they would only be listening to the 30 minutes a day that we were required to play with specific toys. They gave us three bags of toys. One bag had books, the second had puzzles and blocks, and the third bag contained electronic toys. We were to play with two of the three bags each day for at least 15 minutes each. It was an easy task and super fun! Adele loved having new toys to play with, and it was good for me to set aside time where just Adele and I played with something that was geared towards her. On an average day, most of our play involves Emma as well, so we usually play with toys designed for older kids.

Adele in her study vest with Emma, playing with rainbow rice.

After the three days were up, we handed everything back and awaited the results. I was pretty proud of myself. I did everything I was supposed to, but didn't really do anything out of the ordinary. Turns out, I totally failed! Adele's speech is higher than average, but it had nothing to do with me! I consider myself a natural teacher. I love teaching, so I guess I thought that teaching your child to speak better has everything to do with the teacher. Apparently, I had been forcing it too much. During the play sessions, I focused on what I wanted to teach her instead of what she wanted to learn. Bottom line: I learned I needed to follow Adele's lead more. If she wants to play with a certain toy a certain way, it doesn't matter if she's doing it wrong. If she wants to just flip pages instead of repeating the animal noises, I should just count the number of pages she turns. Adele was super stuck on a picture of a cat in one book. After she repeated "cat" and "meow", I tried teaching her other animals, because clearly she had the word "cat" and "meow". Instead, I should have kept talking about that cat she loved so dearly. It was a perfect time to talk to her about the color, if the cat was soft, if it was big or little, if it was next to another object, etc. She would have learned a lot more words, had I followed her lead.

In just one simple study I learned a big lesson: don't force learning of any kind. Teaching your kids doesn't have to involve a lesson plan or an agenda. If you follow their lead in what they are interested in, chances are they will learn so much more. I now know what I've been doing wrong in teaching my older daughter Emma to read. Ever since I gave up, she's been way more interested in reading, and has grown leaps and bounds. Sometimes learning has to be on their terms. And sometimes we have to be okay with that!

- Jesica

To get involved with a study, find a university near you and do a little online research about their speech and hearing sciences department. Sometimes it is as easy as checking out their events and news page, but other times a quick phone call can get you connected to the right people. If you have had other experiences with similar studies, please share!