Mommy's Mantra: A Tribute to New Fathers

Eric working from home with Audette the day we brought her home from the hospital.

We often give so much credit to the mothers and the work they put in to their children, but I am so grateful that there is a partner in the adventures of raising children. What a wonderful day to celebrate those partners, the fathers. Without them and their love, I don't know what the world would do.

My own dad is one of the greats. He is the type of dad that is a father to everyone. Why do I love him? There are too many reasons to list. But one of the greatest reasons is the standard he set for me when I was searching for a man to become my husband and the father of my children.

Experienced fathers are so important, but there is something incredibly unique about a new daddy. There is so much love, hesitation, sense of responsibility and anticipation. My husband, Eric, became a father January 5, 2012. The next day as we were sitting in the hospital Eric wrote an entry in Audette's journal. I snuck away for a moment today to read what he wrote to her. The entry was at least five pages long and gave every little detail of our day, including how much I was dilated and effaced at every moment of the day and our hospital room number. Sometimes we laugh about Audette's obsession of detail and claim it comes from me, but I'm pretty sure it comes from her crazy father. I won't share all of the entry, but wanted to share a few special lines. Maybe other fathers will relate. If I were to title this entry I would call it:

The day I became a father to the daughter I love and already know so well.

So there we were, both looking at each other like, "This is really happening? I can't believe we are heading to the hospital." 

Dr. Kacedan had come in because your heart rate was dropping and you were so deep in the canal. I was pretty nervous, but tried not to show your mom. 

Normally I'd be passed out on the floor, but this was the most incredible thing I had ever witnessed. 

You were absolutely beautiful. You had great color, cute long hair and some really freaky grey, wrinkly hands. 

We were in love with you. When they laid you on your mom's chest, you looked at her like you knew her and looked at me the same way. 

I want to tell you that I love you more than anything in this world. It's a big responsibility to have the most beautiful girl in the world.

I can't wait to go on adventures with you, whatever they may be: ballet, singing, running for office or rock climbing. I love you more than life. See you tomorrow, or in 2.5 hours when you wake up to be fed.

Some of the things Eric wrote had me laughing, especially when he described my walking around the hospital through my contractions as "an adventure" because "we were exploring every door and passage way". Adventure? Sure. Other things had me in tears as he described his anticipation and almost sense of fear while he held my leg and watched you be born. Although Eric doesn't write down his feelings to his daughter every day, I know these thoughts run through his head and heart as he cares for our Audette. He is a wonderful dad, one of the many trying to do their very best to give their children all of the love they deserve. Hooray for the amazing fathers who have passed, who are seasoned, who are new and who are yet to be. We are so grateful for you.

Eric and Audette at church on Father's Day.

A Beach Bum Vacation: Toddler Beach Tips

There is nothing better than beach bumming. Sandy bums are pretty fun! Although our trip to visit Newport, California was mostly to celebrate Grandpa Bobby's birthday, we managed to sneak in a little  sand time. Because heading to the sand can be a little daunting with a toddler, here are some quick suggestions to make your trip just beachy.

Shade from the sun

Little baby skin needs protecting. I couldn't bear to see little rolls turn pink and red! A tent or some sort of umbrella can really save the day. We love this Adidas umbrella that is dual purpose because you can stake the sides in to the ground. My parents found them at Costco and keep two of them on hand for large groups of kiddies. They aren't in stores right now, but you can also find something similar at Walmart. I can't vouch for the quality, but it looks just the same. Here is another option from Amazon. You can find so many different types of tents out there, but the nice thing about this type is that it allows air to flow freely and it has vented windows. Some tents become extremely warm on a sunny day because they are so enclosed.

One drawback of this umbrella is that there isn't a sheet or any padding to lay your child on. We either use towels or blankets underneath, which does the trick, but you may find something like the Shade Shack tent ideal for your needs.

Bags packed

Less is always more. Bags don't need to have much. Here is our list of essentials:

• Sunscreen: We love Neutrogena Baby Sunscreen. Pure, free of fragrance, natural ingredients. I have been using it on Audette since she was 5 months old. I know that is earlier than the recommended 6 months, but after a little research I felt very comfortable putting this on my little one. We have used it since and love the results.
• Baby Wipes: I love the small baby wipe cases that you can refill and keep in any bag. They don't take up much space and you can find them in at any store that carries wipes.
• Snacks: We cut up some fruit and veggies to put in ziplock bags and packed some Animal Crackers and Pirate's Booty. We buy the cheap animal crackers because they tend to make less of a mess and don't fall apart so easily. Pirate's Booty isn't the healthiest snack, but it is puffed rice and corn, similar to the puffed baby food you can buy and Audette loves it!
• Water: These sweat proof water bottles are the greatest. You can put ice or any type of drink in them because the entire top comes off. The double wall keeps the condensation from building, so you can keep them in the sand without making a mess.
• Sand toys: You don't need much, a shovel and a bucket go a long way with the miles of sand.
• Essentials for Mom: Magazines, phone, camera, sunglasses. These Ray Ban sunglasses are the best for moms who are already carrying plenty in the bag. They may seem goofy because they fold up, but they are a huge space saver. Check out the 360 degree view so you can see how little they fold up!

Don't be afraid to get sandy!

With water just off in the distance for cleaning, don't keep your child from the sand, let them play in it, eat it, love it! Ok, eating isn't that great of an idea, but it is pretty inevitable. Audette became very comfortable with the sand and fell in it several times. I think she will become one of those kids who like to bury their body in the sand. A quick dip in the water never hurt any baby and a towel dry allows them to get right back in the sand and fun.

Bring a friend

I find that beach time is an excellent time for exploring. Because the landscape is flat it is easy to keep an eye on them no matter where they are. That also means it is a great time for Mom to chat with friends. We loved having Grandma Nattie with us to enjoy the sun and the fun. And although beach time is a great time to read and chat while your little one digs in the sand, take time to get messy too. The time you spend playing with your little one is so valuable. Just a couple minutes a day makes a big difference in their little lives. I didn't get any photos of us playing down by the water, but it was the best part of our day. We got sandy and wet, built castles and ran in the water. The perfect day.

Mommy's Mantra: Teaching Our Daughters True Beauty

A couple of days ago I stumbled across the link to a film project called Real Beauty Sketches, created by Dove, on the Striving Onward blog Facebook page. You won't want to miss this. I watched it and was in tears by the end. What a perfect message: you are more beautiful than you think.

"We spend a lot of time, as women, trying to analyze and fix the things that aren't quite right, but we should spend more time appreciating the things that we do like."

I fall in to the category of women who think about everything that needs to be fixed. I want to go to the gym to work on my thighs. I look in the mirror and notice all of my blemishes or the lack of a tan. I step on the scale and think about how much I weighed on my wedding day.

I don't know if I will ever be able to clear those thoughts from my head, but I think there are two things that can really help me and any other woman struggling with this sense self-doubt.

Replace the negative with positive

The key is recognizing the good. Just like in the project, women were able to recognize the differences in the two sketches once the two were complete. What good can I notice about myself? I have a lovely smile and I really like the color of my hair (despite a couple of grays that are popping in). I also love to laugh and sing, even though my voice isn't anything memorable. In no way am I intending to sound vain, but I think as women, we need to find those features, both outside and in, that bring us joy. Usually those are the same features that other people find memorable about us as well.

Find support and be a support

This weekend I spent time with my mother and several of her dearest girlfriends. Because my mom is one of my best friends, I consider this group of ladies some of my closest friends too, or even a group of second mothers. Lucky for me, they have more experience in life and are a wealth of wisdom from which I get to glean any time I am around. I don't remember the exact details of the conversation that went on between a couple of them one morning over breakfast, but do remember being struck by their example on this subject matter. The exchange was simple: as we were all looking at pictures one of the women said, "I look chubby." Then another replied, "Friend, remember we don't say that about ourselves."

I know that all of these women probably fall in to the same trap that I do, but what a wonderful example for me to see this tight knit group of ladies support and rally around each other to remind one another of their true beauty. It was almost as if they had made a pact together or had a discussion at an earlier date where they decided they wouldn't say negative things about themselves.

Why does it matter that we think we are beautiful? Why do we need to find true beauty in ourselves? Because it is the only way we will find true beauty in the people around us, most importantly, our daughters. Think of the example my mother and her friends are setting for their daughters and for mine. 

I don't want to be the mother who points out all of my daughters flaws. Instead, I think this week I am going to stand in front of the mirror with my daughter and point out all of her beauty and my own. What a difference it would make if every mother would do that with her daughters every week. I would love to hear from you too. What do you do to remind yourself and your daughters that they are truly beautiful?

Getting Dressed Game

Audette is a little fashionista. I think it skipped a generation. It also helps that she is the only grandchild in the Carroll family, so she receives extra love and attention from her personal shopper, Grandma Nattie. Audette is a rare bird and enjoys getting dressed (maybe it's her great clothes), but whether your kids like it or not, here is a simple teaching tool that can turn the daily struggle of getting dressed into some simple fun.

First, lay out every item of clothing you will be putting on your little one for the day. Don't worry, we don't usually lay out our clothes picture perfect to get dressed in the morning and these clothes stayed like this for .5 seconds, just long enough for me to take the picture, before Audette had thrown them everywhere.

Then, the game begins! Here are suggestions to execute and get your little one involved:

• Ask them to bring you individual items: "Please bring me your socks." "Please grab your shirt."
• Have them pick out the articles of clothing with specific colors: "Where are the red clothes?" "Bring me the clothes that are white."
• Use body parts to describe the clothes: "What clothes go on your feet?" "Where does this bow go?"
• If they are old enough to respond with their own words, ask them to describe the clothing: "How does this sparkly bow feel?" "What color are these pants?"
• Use size to help organize: "Bring me the biggest piece of clothing." "Which of these is the smallest?"

As you ask the questions, and they bring you different articles of clothing, put them on and keep the questions and teaching going. Let them help put clothes on that they can handle. I saw the most darling picture on Instagram of a mom who let her child dress himself. He ended up with his shorts on backwards, but what a wonderful lesson of independence. I probably won't be the mom who lets her child pick out her own clothes for a long time, but at least I can teach her how to dress herself and become a little bit more independent. 

Side note about my not-so-exciting life: The reason for my obsession with picking out clothes for my child, I am a control freak and really like when my daughter and I color coordinate, so I will probably always want to strategically plan her outfits. For those who don't know my family, my mother always had us in matching clothes at a young age and being the oldest meant I was in matching clothes until the 5th grade. Finally, when I graduated to middle school we were allowed to "just" color coordinate every day. Unfortunately for my own children, rather than rebel and be a free spirit, I'm sticking to the status quo and making my children color coordinate, at least. Poor future family and Audette, who will deal with this longer than the rest.

Oh, and don't mind my child's Justin Bieber hair.

Audette's outfit for the day:

• Guess Jeans collared button-up shirt: My mom saved this from when I was a toddler. So great.
• Joe's Jeans: You can find these awesome go-to jeans at Nordstrom Rack for less than designer prices. When they are on sale, you can find them for 10 bucks. We have them in three colors and LOVE them!
• Happy Socks: They primarily make these for men, but I found these darling colorful socks at Target. Target does it again.
• Toms: Kids Toms are brilliant because they are good tennis shoes and are easy to get on and off. The sizes seem to run a little small if you are in the market. Audette wears a size 4 right now, but fits in a size 5 Toms.

And most of you are probably wondering where in the world we go this adorable red elephant with polkadot ears named Olive! The talented Julie Brady made this for Audette, for her birthday. I don't believe she sells them, but you can follow her incredible crafty tips and sewing techniques on the awesome blog, Doe a Deery.

Find Your Own Petting Zoo

I know everyone doesn't have a cow or chicken in their backyard, but you would be surprised who does these days! That is why finding your own petting zoo is easier than you think. When we were visiting our Grandma and Grandpa in Idaho we had a pretty easy time tracking down some four-legged, fuzzy creatures. (It's Idaho, so it is kind of a no-brainer.) Here are a couple of quick searches I did for some major cities where I have lived or love to visit. Most of these petting zoos are a part of a zoo, but others are at farms and several of them are free. If you have others you love, please add your own suggestions in the comments! Neighbors with an array of animals can be just as fun as a petting zoo too!

• New York City Petting Zoos
• Orange County Petting Zoos
• Phoenix Petting Zoos
• San Francisco Petting Zoos
• Seattle Petting Zoos
• Utah Valley Petting Zoos
• Washington D.C. (and suburb) Petting Zoos

This location is probably familiar to most Idaho Falls locals, Reed's Dairy. We didn't have time to go to the zoo on our way out of town, so we figured this would be a quicker (free) stop. In addition to the dairy cows, they have a couple of farm animals nearby that they allow visitors to pet.

Besides learning the names of animals and the sounds they make, I've found allowing Audette to be around animals helps her learn to be gentle and kind. Especially at this age, kids can become aggressive and not understand their own strength. "Gentle" and "soft" are words we are teaching Audette on a regular basis, but with animals, the idea seems to connect more readily when she can pet and interact with them. Seeing her around any type of animal makes me want to find a pet for Audi, but for now we will just visit them.

Change Up Your Book Nook

I had to share this little post about books and reading today because my little Audette gave me the sweetest surprise last night. I love books. I love to read so much. I was the little kid who kept a flashlight under my bed at night, so when mom said "lights out", I could stay up just a little bit longer. She caught me all the time, but at least I was able to sneak in a couple more chapters of Nancy Drew or The Chronicles of Narnia.

Lately, Audette has been ending her day with a craze for book reading too. She has a shelf in her room that is just barely low enough for her to reach, where we keep all her books. Just high enough too, that she can't pull every single book down with ease. After Audi gets her pajamas on, she will open up the cupboard, pull out a book and carry it to her little corner, where she sits up against the wall and starts to read to herself. The only thing she can really do is turn the pages, and she usually does it pretty quickly, but then she will return to her shelf and find another book. Pretty soon we have a stack of 10 to 15 books on the floor, that keeps growing if we don't slow down her reading rate. Well last night, as I was putting away her towel, toothbrush and other bath items, I heard a little peep from her reading corner, "night night, night night." I looked over and saw her reading Goodnight Moon. She was turning the page and saying good night to everyone in the book. If you aren't familiar with this classic children's tale, please do yourself a favor and check it out from the library.

I knew this day would come, when Audette would show me she understood what we had been reading or when she recognized and could read along with the pictures and words in a book, but it still was such a sweet surprise. So in the spirit of reading, discovering and learning we share our "change up your book nook" activity.

Not everyone is a huge fan of reading and kids can find it boring sometimes, especially if your little one is busy and more interested in what's around him rather than what is on a page in a book. That is why every once in a while we switch up our book reading location. Books are fabulous because you can take them just about anywhere. The park, the zoo, the bus, the library, to church, to work, just about anywhere, especially if the book is small enough. We decided to do some afternoon reading in the sun and sit on our patio.

A couple of books we chose for the day:

• Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?: I love this book for all of the fun sounds. Audette is learning how to moo, so this is a particular favorite.
• Romeo and Juliet - A Counting Primer: This little collection of counting primers is adorable. They are all based off of classic novels. We have several from the collection. Your kid might not understand everything, but for a parent who loves to read, this is a fun book to have on your shelf.
• Sammy the Seal: This book was always one of my mother's favorite books as a child and so we were excited when we came across this used edition. We love when Sammy visits school on his trip away from the zoo.

Part of the fun in finding a new place to read is that you can interact with the book in so many different ways. While counting the flowers in this Romeo and Juliet book, we were able to find and count the flowers that we could see from our patio. Or if you are around a lot of people at a library, help your child point out the little girl from the story around her. Books don't have to only be about what you see on the page, books are inspired by real life and teaching your child this at a young age may spark their interest in reading and learning.

You can also make their reading time special by catering your book nooks to your child. Find a chair that is just there size or a special stuffed animal that only comes out during reading time. Whatever it is, encourage your child to look forward to that special time when he or she gets to sit down with a good story.

Do you do anything special to encourage reading in your home? Please share!

Mommy's Mantra: Love You, More Than Anything Else

I read a very interesting article last night written by Rebecca Walker, the daughter of trail-blazing feminist and author Alice Walker. Alice Walker is well-known for her recognized work, The Color Purple.

I don't want to discredit the work of Alice Walker, because she is a shining example to many, regarded even as a hero to some, but I found it so interesting to read her daughter's perspective on feminism. For Rebecca, she was raised with this understanding of motherhood:

You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale.  

In fact, having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Far from 'enslaving' me, three-and-a-half-year-old Tenzin has opened my world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so late  -  I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far with no luck.

She goes on to describe a childhood torn between two worlds, between divorced parents. As an adult, she was able to come to her own conclusions that sometimes feminism, when taken to the extreme, can be a harmful thing for society. There is need for both men and women, especially when it comes to family. Motherhood is a gift and being partnered with someone to raise a child is an even greater blessing.

I, too, believe there is an interesting battle going on in our world between feminism and motherhood. For me, it is often an inner battle. I am fiercely stubborn when it comes to my opinions of education, career, independence and the strength of women. I'm sure, it is pretty hard for my husband to live with me sometimes. A lot of that comes from my own mother, who is one of the strongest women I know. Fortunately, unlike Rebecca, I grew up with a mother who also taught me to respect, honor and cherish the role of a mother. In my home, woman was synonymous with mother. The greatest achievement for a woman would not be her love of art, her wild success in her career or even her unparalleled domestic talents, it would be her love for her children and spouse as a mother and wife. This may seem to go against any traditional idea of feminism, but I agree with Rebecca Walker and my mother, what really matters for a woman is her ability to love and to create a happy family.

I would encourage you to read this entire article. I read it at midnight after my family was fast asleep and for some reason, reading it while I knew my loved ones were tucked in, made for an especially emotional and inspiring moment. How grateful I am to be a mother and for my own mother who raised me to believe the true heroes are the women who sacrifice everything for their family.